With the increasing availability of vaccines, I think we’re all starting to see a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, it will soon be possible to once again connect with people in person. Hopefully, that will mean a return to more social happy hours with colleagues. But after working virtually for all this time, we’ll likely end up with a hybrid model. Because I’ve been networking my way across Zoom for the past year, I’m definitely hearing positive feedback on the convenience of a networking one-to-one meeting over video. Honestly, when I think about how I used to drive 45 minutes to share an in-person coffee, getting stuck in traffic on the way there and back, there were days when it took an entire morning to have a single networking meeting. Now I can either have six meetings in that time, over video, if I’m really ambitious — or one meeting and still get some work done.
Virtual networking has become so popular during the pandemic that entire BNI chapters have been formed to plan to remain completely virtual forever. And in case you haven’t attended a speed dating kind of networking event where you’re automatically popped into a different Zoom room every few minutes, it’s actually pretty cool. You get to meet a ton of people and quickly figure out who it makes sense to schedule follow-up time with.
In order for networking to work for your business, just like it was in the physical days, you can’t rely on simply showing up at events and expect the leads to flow in. The purpose of a networking event is to make connections with people you can follow up with later in a one-to-one setting. That’s where the real relationship building starts to happen.
Networking is a bit like dating. The networking event is like the bar where we scan the room and figure out who we want to connect with, but it’s noisy, crowded, and pretty impersonal. Once we zone in on a possible partner, our goal is to schedule a date in a quieter setting where we can get to know one another. So in networking, a one-to-one is basically like a business date.
My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. So while I would have to say that my dating experience was successful, it certainly isn’t recent, but I still remember what made a good date work and what made one not work.
I think we can all relate to what makes a date not work. For those of you who also haven’t dated in a while, this may be a trip down memory lane. For those of you on the dating circuit, I’m so sorry, because I can only imagine how much this past year has sucked, but on the bright side, think of all the wonderful lessons you can apply to your business.
Here are a few examples of networkers who are every bit as offensive as their dating counterparts. First is the used car salesman. This is the date who spends the entire time providing examples of how wonderful they are and sharing their past experiences and accomplishments. The entire date feels like a sales call, where they’re pitching you on why you should be together. You find yourself watching the clock and it just feels uncomfortable. The business version of this is the networker who spends the entire call talking about all of the wonderful things their business does. At the end, you do feel a bit like a VC after a day of sitting through pitches. Only a bit more used. Networking is not selling; it’s about building relationships. If you find the other person’s smiling quietly during most of your meeting, then you’re not doing it right.
Second is the narcissist, a variation on the used car salesman. This is the date who seems to be totally in love with themselves. They spend the date talking about themselves, laughing at their own jokes, and generally enjoying their own company. It feels a bit like if you were to leave the room for a few minutes, they wouldn’t even notice. The business version of this is the networker who spends the entire call talking about their business and personal history without investing any time to understand how they can help you. If you hang up from a call and realize that you forgot to ask any questions about the other person, then you have fallen into the narcissistic trap.
Third is the mouse. This person is such an extreme introvert that making conversation is a struggle. They come to the date with a demure smile, answer questions with one- or two-word answers, and really don’t seem to know what to say. The date seems to last forever and you find yourself dragging information out of them.
I’ve actually had the exact business version of this date in a networking meeting. I do feel for the introverts out there and I know that talking about yourself isn’t easy, so begin by writing down some bullet points. You want to make sure you share about yourself and your business during a meeting, as well as some questions you genuinely want to ask about the other person’s business so you don’t end up kicking yourself afterwards that you didn’t ask the right questions.
Fourth is the “love them and leave them” date. Well, I won’t get into details here, you know what I mean. But the business version of this is the networker who says all of the right things during your meeting, promises to make amazing connections for you, and then just moves on, apparently forgetting that you exist.
The irony is that this networker may not intend to be unreliable. He or she may have simply forgotten. The simple fix is to come to every networking meeting with a notebook and a pen. Make an effort to take a few notes about the other person’s business and write down any action items you commit to. At the end of the day, flip back through your notes and make sure you take care of any of your commitments. As digital as we are, sometimes old school is best.
Fifth is the serial dater. This is the date who seems to apply a formula for their interaction with you, except that they make it so obvious you wonder if you’re on a reality show. It’s as though they’re going through a checklist in their head. They go something like… Step one, show humor. Step two, ask about their past. Step three, show empathy. Step four, go for the close. Yuck.
They seem to show no interest in building a relationship. They’re just trying to date as many people as possible to get their name out there. In the business world, this is the networker who appears to have read a blog about how to network effectively and is trying to run the script. It really feels fake to the other person.
Now, I won’t tell you how many of these personas I’ve dated romantically, but I can assure you that I’ve come across each of them in a networking setting, and some of them more than once. I also don’t claim to be an expert in dating anymore, but I’m pretty passionate about creating genuine business relationships.
I find that, especially since so much of our one-to-one networking is on Zoom these days, the quality of those connections is even more important. What most of us probably miss the most when it comes to in-person networking is creating shared memories. When we used to go to lunch together, we created a shared memory of the view from our table and the taste of what we ordered to go along with the stories we told. When we enjoyed a cocktail over happy hour, we created a shared memory of the sound of the crowd, the lights and the music, and perhaps a funny conversation with her. But now we’re on video often with a fake background that seems to eat part of our body if we choose the wrong colored outfit, we’re staring straight ahead of the camera or sometimes a little off camera (depending on the location of our screen) so it doesn’t even look like we’re making eye contact. Our calls are typically 30 minutes long, rather than an hour because we’re busier than ever and trying to be efficient. So we’re going through the motions of a networking one-to-one, but we’re not making the same emotional connection. And it’s those emotional connections that form genuine friendships that cause us to honestly think of one another when we’re running our businesses and seek referrals for other people because we care about each other and really want to help our business friends to be more successful.
If I were to rattle off a list of what makes for a good one-to-one networking meeting over Zoom, I’d include things like turn on your camera and look straight at it. Make a point of asking at least as many questions as you answer. And by the end of the meeting, write down at least one possible client or strategic business referral for the other person and be sure to follow up.
But all of these things fall into the category of “necessary but not sufficient” because the purpose of attending a networking event is to schedule one-to-ones. And the purpose of a one-to-one is to take the first step toward forming a strong business relationship and ultimately a friendship. But the good news is that you can still form strong relationships over video if you put little effort into it.
The first rule of thumb is to focus on your networking partner. Schedule a time when you’re in front of your computer or phone in a quiet setting and can make eye contact, plan to have a good wifi connection. Come to the meeting with things to discuss. This means checking out the other person’s website and social media in advance so you’ll be able to ask relevant questions about their business and their interests. If you find something in their profile particularly interesting, compliment them on it, let them know what you liked about one of their blogs, for instance, and for a little variety, think of other ways to make your one-to-one more memorable.
We’re all trying to find ways to exercise more these days. So what about both of you going for a walk in your neighborhoods and narrating some of the sites? You can be on video or just talk. Is there a YouTube business video or Masterclass you haven’t had time to watch, but might be of interest to the other person as well? Maybe watch it together with your phone on speaker so you can make comments. While not a great first one-to-one meeting idea, it can be a fun bonding experience. Most of us have probably figured out by now that happy hours translate pretty well over Zoom, but take that one step further. If during a previous one to one you found that you both enjoy cooking, set up your phone in the kitchen next time and do a demo.
Perhaps you both share an interest in improving your leadership skills. There are plenty of free or cheap online classes through platforms like Coursera or Udemy. Maybe you should take one together. If you’re not quite ready to spice up your networking to this extent, at least make an effort to be a better networking date.
No matter how many years we’ve been doing it, we can always improve because as Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything in your life you want, if you will just help enough other people to get what they want.”